Welcome to my website!
Thank you for visiting me here, in my seedy little back alleyway of cyberspace, I appreciate the company!
This website is a monument to myself. I don't have the resources to build myself a pyramid, or erect a bronze statue in a park, or even place a little bronze plaque above a door somewhere, so I have created this website instead. It may not have the long-term physical endurance of a pyramid or a statue, but we've all read Shelley's poem: Ozymandias, so we know that long-term physical endurance is over-rated. As long as the Internet exists and the hosting fees are paid, this website will endure.
This is my monument, my memorial, my commemorative work: it contains fragments of my life, it confirms to the world, to my family, and to myself that I actually exist on this planet, and have been doing so for 65 years now, and will continue to do so for as long as possible. Glance through it if you feel like it, otherwise, I thank you for stopping by!
I was born at the perfect time. My memory reaches all the way back to the crude beginnings of the technological explosion, yet I'm young enough to appreciate the wonders and advantages of our quickly maturing technological age. Although a black and white television, a huge tube radio, and a rotary phone were normal fixtures of my childhood, they didn't dominate my world; my young worldview was dominated by nature. The population of the planet was less than half of the number of humans crawling on it now, water was still clean (at least in the Northwest), the air was still pure. I spent my preschool days wandering alone in the woods and the fields, climbing trees, listening to the buzzing bees, watching the clouds morph against the bluest of skies. In the far distance, on a clear day, I could make out the hunkering form of Mt. Rainier, and from the top of our tallest pine tree -- which swayed precariously in the wind -- I could espy the Puget Sound, and beyond, the distant shadows of the Olympic Range.
Truly I was a child of the Sixties. When the counterculture arose, I was still very young, yet I paid attention, I knew what was happening. It was exciting, I loved being alive then. Even at 9 or 10 years old, I knew who Timothy Leary was, I knew about LSD, about Marijuana. When I became a teenager at 13, I learned about free love, and of the search for religious truth: the search for meaning in a confused, conflicted world. I read of people dropping acid and experiencing god, and I desired such experiences, so I began to seek them out. My search eventually bore fruit, and I wasn't disappointed! The world opened up for me in amazing ways and I felt the great optimism of the times, the feeling that we could solve all of humanities problems through peace, love, understanding, and psychedelics -- what a feeling that was! I remember standing on a dark street corner one night a few miles south of Seattle -- it was the summer of 1970 -- and I could literally feel the waves of the counterculture, which was in full swing at the time -- the hippie vibes -- emanating from California, flowing up the coast from Haight-Ashbury, beating on my face like the heat of a rising sun!
We all know now -- in hindsight -- that the optimism of the 60's was based on naivety and foolishness, but that doesn't matter at all, just having experienced such feelings at such an early age left a lasting imprint on my psyche. Even the shadows of the Vietnam War were unable to dampen the memory of those golden days of my youth!
By the time early 1970's came around, the mantra: "Peace and Love," transformed into: "Sex, Drugs and Rock n' Roll." The decade encapsulated My teenage years, which were spent listening to hard rock music (e.g., Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, etc.), smoking weed, riding motorcycles, and learning how to twang on an electric guitar just well enough to impress the girls. By that time we thought the hippies -- who were our older brothers and sisters -- had become pretty lame. Time had passed, we had moved on.
But even though every year, every month, every single day that has passed since then takes me farther and farther away from those early mystical days, the memories do not fade, grow old, or lessen in value. Everything I am now has been colored by those early experiences: my interests in religions, my choices of music, my fashion statements, my relationships, what I consider sexy and beautiful -- it has all become an inextricable part of me -- and I'm so glad to have experienced the world in those ways.
I graduated into adulthood towards the end of the 70's, and in the many years since, I have been married, been a father, been divorced, gone to college, been a graduate student, worked many jobs, owned my own business, failed, succeeded, been poor, been homeless, been well-to-do, been happy, been sad -- myriads of personal changes playing out against the backdrop of a constantly changing world. Now my hair and beard are gray, I have seen and experienced so much, yet what I used to believe was steadfast and firm has eroded over time, has become fragmented and ephemeral. What I used to consider of extreme importance, society now views as trivial. Fashions have suddenly become bizarre, music has become cacophony, young people behave in inexplicable and illogical ways. The world itself no longer seems to care about me and my experiences, and it is difficult to figure out why.
Thus, many people my age become alienated and feel like they're living in a strange and foreign land that doesn't make sense anymore. The world doesn't feel like it used to, it has become frighteningly distant and vague, and these poor people become frustrated and often retreat into the past, clinging helplessly to the familiar -- which unfortunately serves to increase and strengthen their feelings of alienation. It's a sad state of affairs that can lead, if unchecked, to the unraveling of ones life in disease, dementia, and eventually death.
I have understood these things for a long time, and I have worked hard over the years to avoid the pitfalls of becoming passé, of becoming a living anachronism in an apparently out-of-control society. For, once one becomes entangled and lost within that web of alienation, it is a struggle to find a way out.
So let me instruct you -- this is what I have learned: the key to positive aging is keeping your mind flexible, allowing yourself to flow with the changing world. Be able to remain who you are at the core, but understand that much of what you knew or believed was important may not be seen that way by society anymore. It's a balancing act -- between nostalgia for the comforts of the past on the one hand, and the uncertainties, the mysteries and intensity of the modern world on the other. It requires continuous learning and surrounding yourself with the energies of younger people. Do not let your mind grow rigid, do not assume that since you are old you know more than those younger than you -- wisdom and knowledge are not static, timeless concepts -- their understanding change as society changes. Do not cut yourself off from the flow of human life. You won't have control over the direction of society, but you do have control over how you react to it. Do not feel regret over anything you have done or not done, and do not over-idolize the past -- keep it where it belongs, in the past. Finally, Keep an open mind, a sense of humor, and wrap yourself in love and tolerance for others and life will always be good, and you will always feel in control of yourself, no matter how bizarre the world becomes. And believe me, as technology advances, it will become more and more bizarre, but look at it this way -- it just makes life that much more interesting, exciting, challenging, and worth living!
Just a final note: besides the above advice, what has also helped me come to terms with my aging, and what has helped me remain engaged with the modern world, is lots of sex. I've noticed that as men get older, especially married men, they often replace the "joy of sex" with the "joy of eating." That is too bad, because sex is a vigorous physical exercise; it reminds my prostate to function properly; and it relieves much of the stress created by this modern technological world. Furthermore, an active sex life is good for one's self-image and for maintaining positive attitudes towards life. The "Joy of eating," on the other hand, tends to lead one in the opposite directions.
I've learned that the real benefits of living an erotic life come from having one long-term partner who likes to fuck a lot. That is simply because we are all different, and we all have our sexual preferences and peculiarities which take time to learn and to apply. Just like every endeavor, if you want to master it you have to practice a lot, and sex is no different. It is just easier, in my opinion, to practice when you already know the quirks of your partner. Now I'm not to saying that there is anything wrong with having multiple partners, -- that can indeed be fun (depending a lot on the dispositions of the partners), , and I definitely believe in supporting Portland's sex workers. Moreover, I have come to believe in the spiritual nature of sexuality, a